Occasionally on my travels I stumble across (sometimes quite literally) a headstone like this one belonging to Caroline Young. Caroline has died in the prime of life and her husband has purchased a memorial for her and rather thoughtfully left a nice blank space on it for his own name to be added to it when he joins her.
Except his name hasn’t been added to the stone .
The usual reason for this is the surviving spouse has married again and is buried with their second spouse. I have found a man who married three times, his first two wives are buried together and he is buried with his third wife. Not quite sure how those first two dearly departed wives would have felt about that!
Caroline and James were both just 22 when they married in 1843. James seems to have moved into the quiet village with his parents and siblings a couple of years before this. He worked on the surrounding farmland but in later years he became a Sawyer. They had five children and if Caroline had lived just a month longer they would have been married for 20 years.
By the time of the 1861 census James and his three youngest children are living alone, the two eldest children have left home and are working away. Caroline has gone AWOL but I think I may have found her mistranscribed in an infirmary in a nearby Kent town as Catherine instead of Caroline.
If this is our Caroline, I think she must have been fairly unwell to have been admitted into the hospital. Nowadays if we are ill enough to go into hospital we are fortunate to know the standard of care provided and the progress of medicine is such that we will have the best possible treatment, but back in early to mid Victorian England things would have been very different. Usually a patient had to be recommended to the hospital by someone who donated money towards the upkeep of it. Another way of being admitted was to be sent by the local Parish Clark. There were no antibiotics, not much in the way of pain relief and too much in the way of infection. A good outcome to a stay in hospital wasn’t always likely at that time. Patients may also have been required to pay something towards their keep, this may have prevented some people going until they absolutely had to.
Doctors may have been young and inexperienced, they would quite possibly have taken on private paid work to survive as positions at voluntary hospitals were sometimes unpaid. The matron at the hospital Caroline may have been in worked there for almost 30 years and I noticed that after she had left the hospital and returned to her native Devon she was given the occupation of ‘Spinster’ in the 1891 census. Nothing mentioned about a whole working life devoted to caring for the sick and dying.
We know Caroline died in 1862, and I have ordered her death certificate so I can find out what happened to her and where. I will share that information with you when the certificate arrives hopefully next week.
Second marriages could be fairly rapid, sometimes just months after the loss of a spouse. It was most likely necessity – a working man left with several dependent children needed a wife to care for his family. A widow with small children needed a steady income and of course both would want companionship. There was little official help available for bereaved families and the workhouse was a grim prospect. Sometimes potential partners were neighbours or friends.
Another reason for a quick marriage could be where the new wife was a servant already in the household and tongues had begun wagging, especially after the arrival of a new child.
But James didn’t rush into another marriage, he waited 2 years before he married new wife Ann who was a widow. Her husband had died shortly after Caroline in May 1862 and is buried close to her. Ann brought to the marriage her own three children making a new household of 6 children. And a father-in-law as Ann’s elderly father moved in with them. It must have been true love!
James, Ann, some children, a couple of nieces, a grandchild or 2 and a father-in-law moved into town where James opened a Beer Shop. He was fined a shilling for selling beer after hours (maybe he needed the money to support his extended family!)
Ann passed away in August 1888 and James followed her in 1908. He lived with his widowed daughter Esther and her children for the rest of his life. He passed away peacefully at home and was buried 4 days after his death.
I’ve managed to track down Ann and James’ last resting place, they are buried together in a quiet spot in a cemetery on the outskirts of the town they lived in. Funnily enough if you stand at the edge of the churchyard Caroline is buried in you can see the cemetery where James is in the distance, only trees and fields separating the two.